A Sexually Abused Society

                                                                     

A Sexually Abused Society

No matter how hard the society of India tries to sweep the serious issue of sexual violence on women under the carpet, the alarming rate of increase of such cases is indicative of the fact that something is seriously amiss here. We are typically a male-dominated society, and it isn’t uncommon for stories of gruesome violence against women loom large in media almost every day. The angry outrageous mobs hold rallies, try campaigning, and even engage in shrill slogan hurling, but the very next day another woman is sexually abused. 

So has anybody ever wondered what’s actually wrong with our society?  Why are the men so hell-bent on exploiting women sexually?  

‘Sex’ clad in enigma

The roots of this problem lie in the way Indian society treats the question or subject-matter of sex. Our society has created a far reaching mantle of enigma around sex and it is often considered a ‘hush-hush’ affair. The society puts a restriction on discussing sex in public; till date sex education has not found a place into the school syllabus in the remote parts of India. 

The question here is that when ‘Sex’ is the biological need of every man and woman, just like any other biological needs like hunger, thirst, respiration etc, why should there be so much enigma surrounding the subject-matter that makes people so inquisitive about trying to find out more? 

Until and unless this enigma is brushed aside, sexual crimes won’t reduce because males psychologically would want to explore the enigma by ravishing the woman’s body; with or without her consent. And it’s really strange why India keeps the subject of sex clad in enigmas, because if you take a look at the erotic sculptures in temples like Khajuraho or Konark or read Vatsyayana’s Kamasutra, you would think that this country should have had a much progressive and open outlook towards ‘Sex’.

Indian Society empowers men with the decision-making power in sexual intercourse

Our society with its patriarchal setup always keeps the man on the top, while woman is expected to show complete obeisance to the man. In the familial setup too, the wife has to suffer the same tyranny of patriarchy where she has to silently serve the husband. Sexual intercourse, which should have been a matter of mutual love-filled intimate session between a husband and wife, is not always so between most Indian couples. There too the man has all the power to take the decision regarding the intercourse and his wife has no option but to go along or else their marital life may be at stake. What empowers the man is none other than his upbringing in this patriarchal society. 

A look at some statistical figures

Roughly 60% of women in the urban region indulge in sex just to finish it off, or simply because their husbands want it. However, in rural India, this percentage may go up to 70%-80%. 

This statistics is alarming because it shows how the women of our country are losing interest in ‘sex’. 

Probably most never had any interest in sex at all, because for them it never was something from which they could derive pleasure, but yet another way to serve their husbands. 

As for as the urban women are concerned, the reason for this decline in female libido of the married women is probably the way husbands continue to trample their individuality day after day and asserting their own supremacy over them, whether in the sexual life or even beyond it.

Is our society sexually abused?

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that the Indian society is a sexually abused one - perverted males feel they can rape women on streets and husbands feel comfortable raping their wives within the four walls of a bedroom. 

The only difference here is that you can expect the media to hype cases where the rapist was accused, for the helpless wife merely wreathes in pain and sobs silently, but cannot share her misery with anyone because that’ll bring disgrace to her own family, her own husband. 

Is it time our society changed its outlook towards SEX and accepts it for what it really should be – an act of pleasure where both individuals engaged are equal participants in mind, body and soul?

Men Against Rape

                                                                               

Men Against Rape

Almost each new day, you see headlines in newspapers dominated by rape and gang rape stories, which only raise questions about women’s safety in India. The different types of brutal cases of rape taking place all across the country aptly portrays the perils and anguishes of women at the hands of the male predators who get an uncanny pleasure in ravishing a woman’s body, our country’s widespread rape culture. 

But when we talk of the Men of our society, is it really fair to generalise them? Indian society in fact has undergone many changes under the impact of women empowerment movements, modernization, westernization, mass literacy and so on. Today the gender gap has reduced a lot and many men in our country think quite progressively, respect women and their individuality, and are eager to fight shoulder to shoulder with women against the rapes taking place in the country. 

The voice of our politicians/actors against rape

Many male celebrities and eminent people like actors and politicians have set an example for commoners to follow by raising their voice against the social malice of rape and supporting women in this battle. Let’s see what some of them have to say:

Abu Asim Azmi, who is the state president of the Maharashtra Samajwadi Party remarks,“I support death penalty for the Delhi rapists but there should also be a law that women should not wear less clothes and roam around with boys who are not their relatives. What is the need for roaming at night with men who are not relatives? This should be stopped.”

Actor Kushaal Punjabi after the very recent Mumbai gang rape incident remarked,” This time, if we don’t act, it’s over. We will be sealing the fate for all our girl children. It isn’t about Mumbai or Delhi. It’s about India” 

The MARD Movement:

By getting the cooperation and support from some of the forward thinking men of our society, this widespread epidemic of violence against women may hopefully be controlled in near future. Of late, many celebrities like Farhan Akthar, Yuvraj, Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar have stood up for the MARD movement which is the abbreviated form of ‘Men against Rape and Discrimination’. 

They have been campaigning and conveying the social message of gender equality through the recitation of ‘Mard’ which is a poem composed by Mahesh Babu. The poem has been translated into various languages and recited by male celebrities in the hope of bringing about a positive social change, and for the women of India to feel assured that not all men are alike….some are actually fighting tooth and nail to ensure that justice is served.

While today these modern men are trying to bring about a change in the society, a man standing up to protect the rights of women is not something new to our country.  Some other similar movements were undertaken in the past by men to foster gender equality and fight violence against women in society. Raja Ram Mohan Roy’s campaigning to condemn the inhuman social evil of Sati or the Kranti Sena Movement started by our famous freedom fighter Bhagat Singh are only but a few such examples.

 MARD is a contemporary movement, while the other two examples are forever written in the pages of Indian history and date far back, telling us of honourable men who attempted to reform society even back then by ending gender inequality and inhuman practices on women.

Can one man make a difference?

A few good men can change the world, but even one man who makes an attempt to thwart this rape-culture our country is harbouring will make a genuine difference. Here are a few things you can do:

• Take a stand if you see a woman being harassed. While it isn’t heroic to take on a gang alone, calling your nearest police station ASAP is.
• Be a part of any local movement that requires you to pledge support in order to make India safer for women. Be it about giving lectures in slums, schools, colleges or low income colonies, any message you can deliver on gender equality will make a difference.
• If you find a woman walking down the road on her way back from work alone after sunset through dangerous localities, genuinely offer to escort her to the nearest bus stand or metro station. Similarly, if you see a woman travelling alone through public mode of transports at night and you notice a rowdy group of men come aboard, take the seat next to her so that they don’t think she is alone.
• Find ways to increase public awareness on the matter. Start a blog that tells others what men can do to stand against rape, or be brave to bring up this conversation in front of those in the society who are biased about gender roles and are still struggling to break free from it.

The Rape Law

                                                                                

 The Rape Law

The ceaseless and recurrent incidents of rape in India have battered the country’s image terribly in the International arena; the various news reports published on Indian rape cases has not only horrified the country but the world at large. The Brutal gang rape of Nirvaya, the paramedical student in Delhi, in wake of year 2012 generated shock waves across India and even managed to stir up a huge international uproar. But nothing much changed after that. Rather incidents of rapes and sexual assaults on women have increased all the more after Nirvaya’s case, and today India is looked upon as World’s Rape Capital. 

The rape culture in India has thrived because the anti-rape laws of the country are slack & outmoded. A lot of time is wasted in prosecuting the charges against the accused or the suspects to reach a final verdict. Is it time India revised and updated its anti-rape laws? 

India’s Current Rape Law:

Rape is a criminal offence in India. Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code defines it as an act of sexual intercourse in which a man forcibly penetrates without the woman’s consent. However, this crime can be committed in several ways and that means it’s high time that the anti-rape laws that were framed in the 1860s are amended to increase their scope and give better justice to the victim and better protection to women. 

In response to public protests soon after the Delhi Gang rape cas, the parliament of India made a remarkable attempt to safeguard the helpless women against horrendous sexual violence by passing a sweeping brand new anti-rape legislation. After Nirvaya’s case that gave the country the rude jolt it needed, some revisions in the laws have been made.

These new anti-rape law makes voyeurism, stalking and sexual harassment a criminal offence as well. If the rape victim dies due to the attack or if the rapist is a repeat offender, the new gives the perpetrator death penalty. If police officers refuse to file complaints from rape victims for the open cases of sexual assaults, they too can be taken to court and punished under law according to this new anti-rape legislation. 

The new status of the current revised law against rape in India does look more pro-active, but does it help much in reality?

The Loopholes in the Law:

Though initially this new law seemed like a huge milestone for enforcing women’s rights quite fabulously in the country, gradually many loopholes came afloat that became a subject of debate. 

For instance it omitted crucial issues like marital rape. Also certain inclusions in the new law make the process more problematic. For example, raising the minimum age limit of consent, clauses where it’s mentioned that the rape victim will be interrogated for first –round information collection only by a police officer who is female are some major inclusions that ultimately stood out as the major loopholes in the current anti-rape law.

Here is a look at these Loopholes in details:

• Firstly marital rape is a very crucial issue which should not have been omitted. Often husbands bash up their wives, torture them and force them into sexual intercourse against their will. This sort of behaviour is actually ingrained in the male-dominated society of India. Lawmakers really need to deal with it with a stern hand because marital rape shatters the dreams of a married woman and degrades her soul.
• By raising the consent age, scope for teen rape and juvenile rape cases in the country have been created and so this loophole too needs to be plugged through appropriate revisions.
• Clauses which say that only a female officer can interrogate a rape victim really make no sense because in our country only 6.5% of the police force comprises of female officers while the rest are all males. Instead there should have been a provision in the new law which clarified that the kind of language and demeanour the officers, whether male or female, use or take up while interrogating the traumatized rape survivors should be kind, unbiased and non-judgemental.

While the new Rape laws in India do have the potential to thwart the rate of rapes reported every day, the loopholes that have ignited debate among the countless social activists, feminists and reformers need to be dealt with once and for all to see any REAL changes. 

Raped Again

                                                                                   

Raped Again

If the recent gang rape in Mumbai, a young girl of 22 years old left you reeling with shock, you are not alone. Raped again – the story of the women of India and the atrocities that they go through at the hands of perverted men is nothing new. And while media tries hard to expose each and every case in order to bring justice to the victims, has anything really changed?

Women have for ever been an object of man’s desire, and if she resists, they would even go to length of violating all laws and ‘having her’ forcibly. In a male-dominated society like that of India, men care a fig when it comes to showing off their male prowess; a fact that is very much evident by the alarming rise in the number of rape cases in our country and the failure of the laws & Crime Control Departments to curb such brutal violence against our women. 

Country shocked by yet another brutal rape incident

Very recently the country was shocked yet again by the brutal gang rape of a 22 year old young photojournalist in Mumbai who was raped in the deserted compound of Shakti Mill when she went there along with her male colleague to take pictures related to her assignment for a National Magazine. She was doing her internship with the company and was involved in her genre of work for the last 3 and a half months. 

When they reached the mill compound around 6pm in the evening, two of the rapists accosted them and three more joined in and tied up her male colleague using their belts. Then all five of them gruesomely raped the girl about 15 ft from the spot where her colleague was captivated. Next they walked the rape victim and the boy to the Mahalaxmi Station, the nearest station to that area and before going into the station they clicked the rape victim’s photo on their cell, threatening to make it public if she took action against them. 

Is this what we have come to as a society? Are we going to stand idly by when crime against women has reached such heights that rapists think that clicking compromising photos of the victim to shame them further is all that is needed to seal their mouth forever?

 This Mumbai rape incident obviously compels many to think that it’s not the rape victim who should feel ashamed, but it’s our country itself which is shamed once again by such a horrendous incident. 

What politicians, actors, actresses have to say on this?

Several politicians, actors and actresses have given vent to their anger and disgust on this issue of Mumbai gang rape. For instance the Communications & IT Minister Kapil Sabil remarked, “It will be dealt in the most severe manner. Our Country cannot have our women and children insecure in the 

hands of the attackers”. 

The famous Actor Amitabh Bachchan added by remarking, "It is a shameful act. It is a matter of shame and insult to the city of Mumbai for such a disgraceful thing (gang rape) that has happened here. A photo journalist, who was deputed for her work, became a victim. It makes us saddened" 

Reputed Actress Juhi Chawla was equally shocked by the incident and stated, “This news comes as a shocker. I hope the victim will be healed and fine. I felt worse for the fact that she is a photographer, so she may be connected to our film industry. I can't imagine how painful and traumatic this must be for her and her family. Very tragic”

The Mumbai Gang: Triggering public & youth outrage all across India

This gang rape has created tremendous ripples of uproar among the youths and masses, not only in Mumbai, but in the entire country at large. In different regions of the country the angry outrageous mob took to streets in the form of rallies and showed off their agitation and protest against the rapists who devastated the life of a young woman. 

The mob also protested against the inactive law that is ultimately doing nothing to check this growing crime against Indian Women. They, to show off their wrath, did things like burning effigies, carrying festoons and placards with derogatory remarks against the rapists, parading in different kinds of outfits bearing social messages for women’s safety and so on. All agreed on one point and that is: ‘Perpetrators should be punished most harshly!’

But does that really ever happen? Is this yet another case of a life destroyed where the perpetrators will not be answerable for their actions?

Can we really bring about a change?

To check these recurrent incidents of rapes and gang rapes in our country what is needed is REAL ACTION. Mere agitation and words can’t suffice the purpose. We have to revise our Anti-rape legislations and do away with the loopholes to begin with, but also we also need to keep in mind that laws alone can’t check the alarming situation that has been created for women today. 

What we need is to bring a huge social reformation.  It’s high time that the men of our society should stop thinking of our women as mere sexual objects! Only then can we expect the women of India to feel safe when they are out doing nothing but their jobs.

The Placebo Effect

                                                                          

The Placebo Effect

A woman in her lifetime has to play multiple roles, rather dynamic ones. She is a mother, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, at-times even the sole bread winner of a family. Yet, our male dominated society has been reluctant in acknowledging her importance within or beyond the familial sphere. Males in India had ever demanded obeisance from their women counterpart and whenever a woman tried to become self-dependant, they thwarted all her efforts to secure their pivotal status in the society. 

This picture has not changed much even today, despite all efforts and campaigns made to empower women. Thus, the promise and hope of a new dawn that the phrase ‘Women Empowerment’ generates in the minds of many is often not translated into reality; it remains more of a mirage- or rather what may be aptly called as a ‘Placebo effect’.

Women empowerment movements: Are they delusive?

As the waves of feminism begun to take surge worldwide, several women’s movements started to thrive quite actively and vibrantly in different regions of India. Due to the many Active Women Movements in the course of the last 50 long years of Indian Independence, much attention has been drawn towards the policies that are directed to advance the human rights in favour of the Indian women. The Domestic Violence Act passed in the year 2005 and Constitution Amended for the 73^rd and 74^th times are few instances of fruits reaped towards women empowerment. The 73^rd and 74^th amendments to the constitution were made to guarantee women’s entry into politics at Panchayat level. But what’s the net result of all these women empowerment movement after all?

 Domestic violence still prevails in many Indian households and the guilty are left unpunished. Also though several bills are passed in favour of women’s participation in Indian politics, it’s often seen that when it comes to real participation and decision-making, the major power is wielded by the male politicians. 

Thus, the cardinal question at this point is ‘Have all women empowerment movements to uplift women been sort of nullified and have actually deluded the people of India into thinking that lots of things have changed for the Indian women which in reality is not the case?’

Women Empowerment: A Placebo!

Yes, in many cases the concept of women empowerment and struggles or steps taken towards women empowerment has indeed deluded the men and women of India. Passing of a bill or reservation of few seats, or holding long rallies, does not actually empower an Indian woman. 

There are just too many loopholes that bar the implementation of these woman-friendly laws and policies and this wide gap between ‘policy-making’ and ‘actual practice’ makes women empowerment in India more of a ‘Placebo’. It’s much like a scientific study, where all participants think they are receiving an active drug that can cure their problem, yet the one’s on placebo are merely probably only feeling better due to the psychological positivity that they can finally say goodbye to their woes.

Steps taken towards Women Empowerment are only superficial; in reality nothing has changed

Our patriarchal social setup had always impacted the lives of our women. Today in this 21^st century too nothing really has changed much, except for the superficial appearances. At the core of India, lies its villages; i.e. the rural India; while the cities or urban India represents the peripheral culture of every state in our country. In rural India, women are subjected to the same oppression and repression by the males. In the cities however, a slightly better picture can be noticed because here women have better access to education and economic opportunities.

 But since rural India forms the backbone of our economy, allowing our rural women to suffer ceaseless male domination and remain in the darkness of ignorance, would only mean that we have taken a few steps towards women empowerment but only on a superficial basis. Gender equality should be encouraged in a balanced way and in a widespread scale throughout the country. Only then can Indian women be empowered in the true sense of the term.

The List

The List 

We Indians have had a regressive mentality when it comes to women since time immemorial. For many years, women never even thought of raising an eyebrow to these rules - these were rules their mothers followed, and their grandmothers before them, and became so deeply intertwined with our society’s culture that they became a way of life. However, today the modern woman is educated; she is knowledgeable and has an opinion of her own, and for her some of these regressive thoughts about women that have existed as a part of Indian tradition and culture no longer make sense. 

NARI stands for New Age Radical Icon; it’s stands to change these regressive thoughts of our society so that women in our country can truly move forward. We have put together a LIST of some of these regressive thoughts that are have been a part of our culture; we will discuss them at length, find out why they originated and why some of them are not needed anymore, and hope that in the process we will gain a better understanding of the fact that the only way to move forward as a nation is to let some of the past live in the PAST.

1. Women should look towards the men in the family for guidance and direction

There was a time when women had to depend on the men in their lives – fathers brothers, husbands and sons in order to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Back then it made sense; women were not encouraged to study and didn’t have any formal education and that is why all the major decisions in the family were automatically taken by the men because they were more worldly, wiser and practical. However today, the scenario is very different. Many women are equally qualified as the men in their life, if not more. So we think that this regressive thought, which would mean a woman, should ask her father or husband if she can take up a new job or should seek permission to buy a new car, or guidance on how to handle her yearly savings is redundant.

2. Women are never good with handling financial matters

Once again, this thought came in to existence because the women of the past were uneducated. Math and numbers were not their forte, which is why handling financial matters was not a job entrusted to them. However today women earn as much as the men in their life, if not more! So why cannot they handle their own financial matters? Even today, it isn’t uncommon to find husbands who expect their working wives to handle their salaries over to them or to the head of the family – which could be the mother-in-law or father-in-law. They decide on all savings, investments and allowances, leaving the woman feel more like a child than an independent individual who should have the right to do with her money as she pleases. This regressive thought process too should be done away with, until and unless the family structure is open and modern, where all members’ pool finances and take a call together to handle finances in a way that works best for them as a team. But if the woman wants to handle her own finances, by all means she must have the right to do so because she has worked hard to earn that money.

3. Women should dress and act a certain way

This regressive thought can be interpreted as a boon and a bane. It’s a bane because many women feel suffocated, not being able to have a personality of their own because their families expect them to dress and act a certain way. This practice came in to being because in the past, the way a woman behaved and dressed was a directly reflection on her family. It works like a boon too; women who dress appropriately and act in a certain manner are less likely to get caught in the middle of controversies in our country. However, we think it is time to give a little freedom to our women when it comes to the way they act and dress, as long as they are within bounds. It is time that a mother-in-law stops expecting her daughter-in-law to come saree clad with sindoor and heavy jewellery every time she visit them, even when she is completely aware that the daughter-in law is otherwise comfortable donning jeans and kurtis everyday, which are also very practical and safe dressing styles for the Indian woman. Why? It creates a rift, and it will make the daughter-in-law want to visit her mother in law less often, which truly isn’t worth it just for the sake of attire, is it?

4. If a woman wants to work, a safe 9 to 5 job should be her only option

In the past, when women started to pick up jobs, they preferred a 9 to 5 job. The reasons were many – there weren’t as many opportunities for women in high profile careers and taking care of the home front was also only the woman’s job back then. However, today a woman has many career opportunities and forcing her to choose a 9 to 5 job only because it is not safe for her to come late at night, after a hard day at work, is not being fair. So does it make more sense to expect our women to give up their dreams and hopes of a high flying career they have deserved and worked hard for, or does it make more sense to change as a society and make our cities and offices safe havens for women to rise to their potential and walk hand in hand with their male colleagues? 

5. Women should give up their careers when they have children in order to be called good mothers

This practice is not only followed in India but also everywhere in the world. Working women settled to become homemakers because they wanted to take care of their children. And even today, many women do this by choice, because for them their career isn’t as important as raising a responsible, well rounded child. And that is where the catch really lies...in India, most families will automatically assume that a pregnant woman should give up her job. Whether a woman wants to put her career on the back foot once she becomes a mother or not should be solely her choice, and to some extent the opinions of her husband can factor in. But she should have the choice....right? She shouldn’t be automatically expected to put up her resignation because she is expecting a baby, neither should it be assumed that all responsibility for caring for the child lies solely on her shoulders. A better approach is to take a collective decision as a family – to share the responsibility of caring for the child so that both parents can pursue their dreams without having to compromise on child care. After all, it is a job that is best done by parents and grandparents as opposed to house help and nannies, so there should be a way to care for the little one without expecting that only the mother will give up her career while the father is free to dream and rise.

6. Once a woman gets married, it’s her duty to always put her in-laws before her own birth family

This is a regressive thought that must be done away with. Yes, we do take up the surnames of our husbands after we get married. But rather than seeing it as ‘Leaving your mother’s house and now being a member of a new family’, the right approach is to see a marriage as ‘Also becoming a member of the new family, while you will always have your own family to count back on’. How many times have we heard of horror stories where daughters are forced to be a part of celebrations at their marital home when their fathers and mothers were lying sick, only because ‘She must keep her in-laws happy’ and cannot be spared to care for her sick parent? These regressive thoughts need to be done away with. Today more and more Indians are also choosing to live in nuclear families and most couples have about 2 kids. Thus, it is very important that for families to stay together and grow together, the sense of balance between ‘Her Parents’ and ‘His Parents’ must be achieved. 

Empowerment v/s Individualism

                                                              

Empowerment v/s Individualism

As our country claims of social reforms and an overall renaissance, it has definitely made significant attempts to project a favourable picture of the Indian woman before the world at large; and the tool it has used for it is the different strategies for women empowerment. Our society has always been a patriarchal society where women have suffered oppression, repression and torture at the hands of men. Even if few social reformers and feminist organizations are fighting hard for women’s causes expecting a new dawn for the women of India, ‘Women Empowerment’ in the true sense of the term cannot be achieved overnight. This is because it is must be always borne in mind that India still retains its patriarchal social setup.

But is our concept of Women Empowerment flawed in the first place? Do most of us even understand what it takes to empower our women is more than just the right to education, vote, inherit parental property and choose a career? Aren’t those are birth right, anyways? 

Women Empowerment: The right to be regarded as individuals first

When people talk about women empowerment, they probably talk about three major kinds of empowerment; i.e. political, economic and social. 

•  Political empowerment could be giving women the suffrage right, reservation of special seats in parliament for women candidates so that they can have a dominant voice in the policy-making of the government etc. 
•  Economic empowerment implies that the woman would have the power to use her resources and earnings in whatever way she likes. 
•  Social empowerment gives women the power to choose her own career, job, educate herself, to the extent that she can reach her full potential and protest against male oppression, mistreatment and exploitation. 

But the well-intentioned and well positioned people of our society who are trying to bestow power upon women often forget these powers were actually their birth rights to begin with; the rights that were snatched away from them by the Chauvinist males in order to corner them in society and deter their progress. 

What is very cleverly given the name of Woman Empowerment today is basically returning to women their basic rights. Rather, what is required here is respecting a woman’s individuality which most Indian men often don’t do. In India, patriarchy and domination runs in the blood of the males and no matter how educated they are they, cannot rise over their typical male egos and consider women as an individual worthy of respect, and not someone who should submit to their authority and obey their orders while catering to their whims and fancies.

Women empowerment: Aren’t we asking the men to give us the power?

When there’s so much clamour on women empowerment and so many campaigns are held in its favour, we often forget that we are actually asking men by default to empower us. As mentioned earlier, our society is predominantly a male-dominated society. Our law-making bodies, our governmental sectors too are dominated by males who have a major say in the decision of women empowerment. So it’s 

really a sort of disgrace for women that they are begging for their rights from the males!

Despite Gender disparity, Men & Women as human beings are same

Despite all gender wars or all campaigns for establishing gender equality, we need to agree on one point; i.e. as human beings men and women are equal and so it’s very unjust to discriminate between the genders. In doing so, one’s own identity as a human being will become questionable and even dishonoured.

If we truly want to EMPOWER the women of India, we have to first give them the chance to assert their individuality, so that they are confident enough to empower themselves and achieve the goals they set for themselves. It’s not about giving them the right to vote, reserve seats for them or allow them to choose a career; rather, it is about empowering them to be whoever and whatever they want to be.

5 simple ways to understand a woman

                                                          
5 simple ways to understand a woman

As a man, how many times have you thought “I just cannot understand what women want!”

A woman forever is an ocean of mystery for a man and the feminine mystery is what challenges a man and at the same time draws him towards her. Isn’t that true? Rabindranath Tagore, the world famous poet and Noble Laureate has described Women as ‘Partial Imagination’. The famous painting of Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci with her typical enigmatic smile is perhaps emblematic of the great enigma that characterizes the nature of the entire women race; something poor men find so very difficult to decode! 

But if you know the basic tips and secrets of understanding a woman and her mind, you’ll realize that it’s not that difficult actually. Learning more on how and what makes women across the globe such a mystery can be a win-win situation for you, not to mention for the woman in your life.

Women: What makes her such a mystery?

Women, since time immemorial, have been considered the biggest mystery by the men in the world. It could be because they have failed to perceive the deep emotions of love and affection lying underneath the calm and cold exterior that sometimes women built around themselves for their own self-defence. The truth is that women are thoroughly emotional creatures... they are clouded by their hearts and their entire thought process is guided by emotions and their fluctuating moods. 

Neurologically, a woman’s brain is structured in such a way that she has multiple deeper layers of psyche and thinks much more deeply and complexly than her male counterparts. Men on the other hand are practical; most will not allow emotions to take over their actions, are very rational, judge matters using their brains rather than their hearts, quite unlike women. This is why often they fail to understand woman and find many of her approaches quite mysterious.

5 simple ways for understanding a woman 

Now you might think that you have more chances of solving the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle than to ever understanding a woman, but that’s where you are wrong! There is a way to decode this secret, at least! With these tips & tactics, you can easily delve deep into your ladies’ mind and capture her heart completely.

1. Give your woman space

Your woman should not feel claustrophobic in her relationship with you. She should have enough time for herself; i.e. her own leisure hours, quiet time, working space and so on. It is then that you’ll get to know her more. Her real self, her hidden traits and talents will emerge to the fore. If you are over possessive and clingy or too controlling in your nature, you will never see the ‘real’ side of her emerge in the relationship.

2. Allow her to explore her own potential

When allowed to explore her potential freely, a woman doesn’t feel caged. If she has the freedom to make her own choices without being coerced by you, it will by default bring out the best in her and stir up her womanly softness, love and care for her near and dear ones because she is after all a very emotional being.

3. Respect her individuality

Every woman is unique and has in her some special traits. As her man, you need to salute your woman’s individuality to win her heart. Don’t commit the blunder of generalizing, or of comparing her to someone else because no one likes that!

4. Never objectify your woman

Your woman has more to her than just her looks. She has a brain that thinks, a heart that feels, a soul that dreams. Don’t think of her to be your possession or property. If you, her ‘man’ will objectify her, what can she expect from the rest of the world? Men are not objectified for their virility, so why should women?

5. Women like to be appreciated

Like all of us, women too like to be appreciated for the small things they do. It could be something as simple as a great meal, your laundry done on time or a special effort she made to finish a task you didn’t expect. Appreciate her for her kindness and thoughtfulness, and you will find that her ‘mood-swings’ are part of history!

So there – the world’s biggest secret has now been revealed! Hope you have started to gain a better understanding of a woman.... keep these things in mind and she’ll gradually emerge before you as a kind of woman you believed did not exist; i.e. the woman of your dreams or the perfect lady in every aspect!

Sex Trade-A Boon or a Bane

                                                                   

Sex Trade-A Boon or a Bane

A woman’s body has always been an object of desire for men. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that there has emerged a special segregated class of women in the society, who offer their bodies to men for sexual relationships in exchange of some cash and make a living out of it. They are called sex workers or more commonly - ‘prostitutes’. 

Sex trade and prostitution is nothing new in our country. It’s rather an old wine sloshed into the new bottles because this tradition of women offering their bodies for money had existed since the times of the Kings of Ancient India who splurged money on tawaifs or courtesans and spent countless nights living their sexual fantasies in the company of these women. Today we get to hear new terms like ‘sex trafficking’, ‘flesh trade’, ‘call girls’ ‘red light areas’ and so on, but the basic concept remains the same.

The question here is – is it a boon for these women who are often illiterate to be able to make money out of selling their bodies and sometimes even their soul? Or is it a bane, because these women could have probably found more respectable ways to earn money had sex trade never existed? Is it a boon which keeps the lechers restricted to the brothels or a bane which will hamper the progress of women as individual identities?

Sex Trade: Why are women’s bodies on sale but not those of males?

In reality, sex trade usually refers to the trade of women’s bodies for sex and not that of men.  It has become a source of income for many women; most women happily don’t go into this kind of a business. If we delve into their past, this becomes more obvious. When a male visits a sex worker, his main target remains to make the most of the money he has paid to the worker while booking her for the night or say for few hours. He remains insensitive to her feelings and ravages her body and she is contract bound to give him what he wants in the fear of being dropped out of job by the brothel’s owner. 

So this sex trade is undoubtedly a trade of the woman’s body where a woman has to kill her feelings, withstand pain as part of her job and allow the brothel owner to do business with her or rather trade with her body by sending customers to her bed whom she entertains mechanically for money. 

T.S Eliot’s Preludes manages to say it right: “You tossed a blanket from the bed/You lay upon your back and waited/You dozed and watched the night revealing/The thousand sordid images”

Legalizing Sex Trade: Pros & Cons

Sex workers are fighting throughout the country to legalize sex trade and many NGOs are coming forward to uphold their cause. Legalizing of sex trade, however, is a much debatable subject. It has its own pros and cons. 

If sex trade is legalized, sex workers will no longer be considered a minority; legalization will allow them to gain a wider social perspective by means of quantifying themselves but many of them also seek for an intellectual recognition in society far beyond the mere flesh. Many of them come with brains, have an intellectual bent of mind which unfortunately no one sees apart from their body and mere legalization cannot wipe the stigma that society puts on them. 

Legalization of sex trade, however, can restrict the criminalizing of sex trade and can also secure the future of sex workers by pulling some governmental benefits and claims in their favour.

Sex Trade: If legalized, will it be a boon or bane?

Whether Sex trade is a boon or a bane is a very relative question. Some poverty stricken women are earning a living through it. For them, perhaps it’s a boon because they have no other means to make a steady income. Many destitute girls are getting shelters and for them too it is a boon. 

But the grimmer side of it is exposed only when women & girls are kidnapped and forcibly brought into this profession. They are beaten up and forced to entertain customers. Also it becomes a bane when the sex workers while practicing their profession contract some dangerous life-taking sexually transmitted disease like AIDS or get pregnant and go through horror stories of blotched abortions and no one is ready to take their responsibility. In such situations legal backing is indeed needed. 

If sex trade is legalized, these women might have better rights and maybe even a better quality of life. But one darker side of legalization is that once these women become legalized sex workers, they might have to forget their individual identity as woman!

The FREE Woman

The FREE Woman

We all hear tales that make it evident that women in India have been subjugated and subverted for years, their status always secondary when compared to males. In her growing years, a woman is required to sacrifice her dreams and aspirations for her brothers, post-marriage all her moves were controlled and dictated by her husband, and when she turned old she had to follow the commands of her sons. 

For years, a woman’s life was seriously caged by the wills of the males within her close circuit or in the society at large. They expected total submission and obedience from her or else she was considered ‘unwomanly’ or obstinate. But the question today is – has the story really changed all that much? Even as we move towards modernization 67 years post independence, are the women of our society really FREE even now?

Myth of a free woman in India

 As the waves of the Feminist movement started to take surge worldwide, India too came under its sweep. Some positive impact indeed took place in the fields of women liberation and progress. But after seeing the present rate of violence on women, the question still remains that in this 21^st century after all the efforts made to impart the women of India freedom which is their birthright, are they really free? 

Our country is one of the world’s largest democracies, celebrating its Independence Day on August 15^th each year and claims to consider its women citizens no less than men. Today’s modern women like to think they are free - they are  educated and think they have the right to go wherever they want, wear whatever clothes they want, practice whatever profession they desire, follow whatever manner of conduct or behaviour they want. But is that really true? As a modern woman, aren’t you coerced to still move cities when you husband gets a new job, go against your heart to enter an arranged marriage because that’s what your family believes is right for you, have to dress up a certain way in front of people because it’s your family image at stake?

In reality, the concept of the ‘free woman’ in India is still a myth because society puts uncountable restrictions on our choices and snatches from us our birth right; i.e. ‘freedom’. 

Being ‘free’ is more of a mental state than a physical one

Being FREE is not a physical state; you don’t have to exert your physical freedom in order to feel liberated and confident of the woman you are. Freedom is a state of mind; it is a mental state that sets us apart from others. It is all about freedom of thought, of emotion, of convictions that really makes a difference. And while in India we women might not be free to behave the way we want and act like the way we want, most of us are not even free to have our own ideas, our own ideologies and our own opinion.

A woman, in order to free herself, first needs to free her mind. Women first need to de-captivate their mind of all fears, feelings of remorse, poor confidence and so on. Freedom is actually about thoughts, emotions and convictions and it indeed can make a large difference. If your mind is free, you can get the courage to assert your individuality. 

So first, you need to hold up the mirror to your own selves and discover the ‘I’. Unless you do that how will you establish your presence in this man’s world? If your mind remains captivated, you will fail to see the positivity around you and these male chauvinists will continue to negate your presence and make you dance to their tune. 

Why do women in India feel ‘caged’ even after 67 years of Independence?

The progress of the women of our country is deterred seriously by series of mental and social confines that put them into tight fetters. The mental confines could be feelings of fear, low confidence, self-pity, lack of will power, emotional blackmailing, paranoia and countless other psychological issues that may develop due to ceaseless torture hurled on her from the male world. 

The social confines that restrict her progress could be illiteracy, low income or poor economic status, dress code restrictions in some parts of the country, discrimination regarding employment, laws against women violence but with many loopholes and so on. These mental and social confines limit the progress of women in our country and often her journey becomes an episode of unvoiced plight. 

Thus, even after so many years of Independence our women are not very free; in fact ironically enough they still feel quite caged in ‘independent’ India. We claim of overarched idealisms but our women are raped, harassed, murdered in the name of dowry, eve teased, acid attacked each new day. They are unsecured and utterly scared by the hooliganism taking place around them. They aren’t free at all!

So let’s take a vow this Independence Day...and try to give our women the Freedom they deserve, the freedom that is theirs by birth. If we each decide to change our thoughts and actions, to make a difference and to not think ‘What difference can one person alone make?’;  together we can walk towards a brand new India where the women are as free as the men.

Why God made Men Fathers and Women Mothers

Why God made Men Fathers and Women Mothers

To run life on Earth, the union of a man and woman is of utmost importance. In fact that’s the basis of Creation and perhaps the design of Almighty Creator. That’s why a woman, with her typical feminine softness and kindness, forms an able counterpart to the robust and tough man. They come together through natural attraction to procreate; beget offspring and run the human race on earth. This in a nutshell is the Law of Nature or the Law of God.

But there is a reason why Men and Women are different...and a bigger reason why the perfect partnership between them is crucial to bring up responsible, stable and balanced children.

Man & Woman are different

 According to Almighty’s design women are entrusted with the most crucial role of child bearing. It is the woman who carries the child painstakingly within her womb for 9 months, suffering all the ‘blues’ of conception, until the baby is delivered. 

A man’s role is to impregnate the woman, but she is the one who brings the ‘little one’ in to the world. It was God’s design to make man ‘The father’ of the child and woman ‘The mother’ of the child. He is after all the Creator of both Man and Woman, and is thus aware of the traits and characteristics of each. He knows the differences between man and woman and thus knows perfectly what role suits a man and a woman.

A man has a sort of toughness in him and his role is to fend for the family he has sired. A woman, on the other hand, is well suited for the role of the nurturer, the care giver, the all sacrificing mother because of her inherent natural characteristics.

Women are a sea of patience, love and care; while men tend to be better at organizing, planning and practical thinking. With great patience, women can suffer the pain of labour and give birth to their baby. The moment the foetus gets implanted onto the womb of a woman and she starts expecting motherhood, an umbilical bond of love already develops with her baby and she can go to any length to protect it. It is something that takes roots in the pre-natal stage of the baby and therefore is much more sublime, magnanimous. Once the child starts to grow, it’s the mother that ensures her child is safe and protected, has good moral values and understands emotions and the smaller things in life. 

A father, on the other hand, will love his child just as much. But his key concerns will be to ensure that the child is well provided for financially and intellectually, so that the future of the child is secured. He starts to plan for funds to cater to education, healthcare, and also ensures that he tries to encourage in the child the interest for sports, arts etc.

Therein lies the difference between Man and Woman

Men & Women: Their brains are different and thus they are different!

Men are different from women because their brains are wired differently. This fact may be elucidated better if we refer to what researchers in Harvard found in the year 2001. 

It was found that different parts of the brain were differently sized in males and females. For instance the frontal lobe and limbic cortex of the brain were larger in women than men. The frontal lobe regulates decision-making & problem-solving power while limbic cortex regulates emotions. In men parietal cortex and amygdale are larger than women. Parietal cortex regulates space perception while amygdale regulates social as well as sexual behaviour. 

This study clearly indicates how the neurological differences impact the emotional capabilities of woman and man. Woman patiently and calmly can take decisions and they remain unperturbed when things get rough. They are intensely emotional while men are practical and materialistic. Also a man gets easily inclined to sex while a woman’s emotional need is more than her physical need. With all the womanly emotions, she can aptly nurture her child; fit to be given the respect we reserve only for our Mothers.

Perfect partnership: Key to raising a sensible child

To raise a sensible child, both father and mother should participate jointly. A child needs equal attention from both, according to recent psychological studies. From the mother the child learns all about love, affection, loyalty and family values. From the father the child must learn how to take one’s responsibilities seriously, work hard and build a career, and how to think practically and plan financially. These are just a few examples; there is a lot more that both the father and the mother bring to the table together when it comes to bringing up a stable and responsible child. And a household where this balance is not maintained, where the father or the mother are not equally involved in raising the child, the result is often a disturbed child trying to get attention by any means possible. 

Its only when the man and the woman work together, can they instil in their child all the necessary values that will make him/her a responsible adult and a human being.

The Guidebook to the Perfect Woman

The Guidebook to the Perfect Woman

What is your definition of the ‘Perfect Woman’? Is she someone who is ambitious, has a high flying career and manages to bring in a steady cash flow in to the household to be financially independent? Is she someone who manages to strike a balance between career and family, is not ready to sacrifice it all but makes a few compromises? Or is she someone who is perfectly content at home, looking after the needs of her children and husband so that there is always hot food on the table, clean ironed clothes for everyone to wear, lunches packed on time and household chores addressed to?

If you aren’t sure what the perfect woman really is, or think that there is only one correct answer to this question, we have for you a little surprise.

There is no ‘Perfect woman’

Here is the truth, friends.... there is no correct answer to the above question. There is, in reality, no guidebook for ‘The Perfect Woman’. Why? Because every woman is perfect, as long as she is happy being who she really is. Whether she is a homemaker, a working professional, an ambitious rising star or a humble mother of two, as long as a woman is happy with her life and proud of the way she lives it, she is in all essence ‘A Perfect Woman’.

We women have so many roles to play – wife, mother, daughter, nurturer, care giver, discipliner, and so on and so forth. And at the end of the day, it is very important to understand that it takes all kinds of women, each perfect at their own role, to make this world go around. So if you are a highly ambitious career woman who wants to spend more time at work, do not forget to appreciate that humble nanny or your caring mother-in- law or sister-in-law who is the caregiver to your child. She’s perfect too...she is doing the job you are unable to do, because you have different priorities. 

So rather than looking down upon women who are happy to adopt their care giving roles instead of stepping out in to the world and also join the rat race to success, be thankful for them. Without them, you will not be able to be the Perfect Woman you are!

Be proud to be the woman you are

Why is it that our society tries to label ‘The perfect woman’? Why should we have set ideologies about what women should be, what they should do, how they should act and what choices they should make? As women, we are destined to play many roles in our lives. Some we play to perfection, some we struggle with and some we come to learn with time and experience. It’s very important to be proud of that learning curve, and make the choices you make with confidence without feeling any guilt for them.

Most of the times it is women who look down upon women who choose to stay at home and not seek a satisfying hectic career. These working women seem out of sync with housewives and vice-versa. Why should that be? If we can each excel at the roles we choose to play, that’s all it takes to be the perfect woman.

A Perfect Woman: No judgements, no biases, no discontentment

“I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.” - Oprah Winfrey

The perfect woman is one who accepts who she is and proud of it, and likewise, can accept other women in their life for who they are too. So if you are a mother who thinks her perfect daughter should get married at 25 and start planning a family by 28; let it go...let her decide what course of action her life should take so she can be content with it. If you are a workaholic who thinks her younger sister should stop wasting her time on cleaning up after her two kids and husband but use her talents to excel at her career, stop and think that maybe that is what makes her so perfect, so beloved and so dear to you.

The Bottom-line: As long as a woman is happy to be who she is, she is PERFECT.

Women in Bollywood: What they say makes a difference...

When it comes to our Bollywood Divas, there are quite some ‘Beauties with Brains’, whom we salute. And then there are some beauties who have managed to prove by their choice of words - hogged, penned and exaggerated by our over inquisitive media, that the ‘Dumb Blonde’ term is after all not just a cliché!

We Indians love our movie stars almost as much as we love our cricketers. But when it comes to some Bollywood actresses, their complete lack of knowledge on women issues in the country coupled with their equally poor choice of statements that actually do more damage to the state of women rather than uplift it, is truly shocking. Now these are people who can truly use their celebrity status to help matters along - they can empower women, they can uplift and support many causes and they can truly make a difference. And some actually do.  We only wish that more celebrities had the brains to match their beauty; call it wishful thinking...

Here is a look at some of the statements that have managed to catch our eye and either left us impressed, or completely appalled.

Quotes We Love:
“Remember the women in your life made you who you are. Love and Respect them”                 -Jacqueline Fernandez

“Right from the time we girls are born we are taught how to behave, how to dress, how to sit, how to act...in fact which colour to like (pink!). Why can’t we teach our sons, brothers, fathers and husbands how, not to harass; abuse and make a woman’s life a living hell...”                                             -Raveena Tandon

“Each character I portrayed on screen has had the strength, passion and dynamism of the woman of today. That’s what I really love about the characters I have played, they represent real women with real problems and how they get past them in relevance to today’s society.”                                 -Perizaad Zorabian

"Am I supposed to be ashamed that I am half-Asian, I mean, no! Rahul Gandhi is half-Indian, half-Italian. So? I am very proud of what I am and I just don't understand the confusion as if I'm trying to hide the fact that my mother's a British. Why would I?"                                                         -Katrina Kaif

These quotes have really impressed the nation, especially women. Some of these actresses have proved time and again through their roles, emphasizing the nature of our male-dominated society that its time women broke the shackles that makes them subverted and subjugated by the men in their lives. When these celebrity actresses speak in favour of women, celebrate their role, sing their praises, it indeed matters a lot.

We love the fact that Jacqueline Fernandez talks of the importance of respecting the women in your life, and Raveena Tandon has taken a stand to rebuke the male dominated society we live in and talked about how it’s important for us women to teach our sons and husbands more about respect for women. The fact that Perizaad Zorabian is proud of the many controversial roles she has played because they stand for something important is truly appreciable, and we love the fact that Katrina Kaif has the courage to stand up for what she believes in, even if our conservative society might think that her status of being half-Indian makes her below par to other actresses, despite how well her movies might do at box-offices.

When the nation hears these celebrities speaking in favour of women, their roles and their carefully chosen words reinforcing the true strength of a woman, the message reaches out to more people, making a real difference in the long run.

Quotes We Abhor
“As a girl, I am this stupid emotional very loyal, sort of believe-in-values-and-principals sort of girl”   -Priyanka Chopra

“We, Indian women, get too carried away with our personal lives with rearing our children. We feel that we are the only mothers on the planet." She further added, "And, we believe we have to leave everything to bring up our children. Actresses need to pull up their socks and keep looking great and working out... and keep looking younger than what we are." -Rani Mukherjee, taking a dig at Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

"Guys pls don't take Shobhaa De seriously. She's a fossil who's getting no action and going through menopause. So just for her...(sic)." -Sonam Kapoor, insulting Shobha De

For all these Bollywood Divas, we ask - Do you really think before you speak? Why evoke a debate with your controversial and bold statements that do not really help with your popularity, but rather make you look stupid and anti-women in general?

We Indians are proud to be good mothers, isn’t that what really separates us from the Western culture? We think that Rani Mukherjee’s statement is truly detestable, considering she isn’t the fittest actress who has bothered to really maintain her looks anyways! What’s this obsession with looking younger or slimmer and more beautiful, anyways? Instead, we salute Aishwarya Rai Bachchan for being a REAL woman, who didn’t really run back to the gym and try all the Fad diets possible to lose pregnancy weight within a few months to start looking gorgeous again, but rather settled to enjoy motherhood in its true essence.

On the other hand, we think that both Sonam Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra need a few lessons in manners! It’s detestable to insult a senior celebrity, that too someone as gifted as Shobha De on a public forum. And for PC, all we have to say is that associating a woman’s ‘emotions’ to ‘being silly’ is not cool at all! It’s emotions that separate women from men, and are the true source of our strength. And thinking that ‘being a believe-in-values-and-principals kind of girl’ is something to not be proud of is even worse!