The List

The List 

We Indians have had a regressive mentality when it comes to women since time immemorial. For many years, women never even thought of raising an eyebrow to these rules - these were rules their mothers followed, and their grandmothers before them, and became so deeply intertwined with our society’s culture that they became a way of life. However, today the modern woman is educated; she is knowledgeable and has an opinion of her own, and for her some of these regressive thoughts about women that have existed as a part of Indian tradition and culture no longer make sense. 

NARI stands for New Age Radical Icon; it’s stands to change these regressive thoughts of our society so that women in our country can truly move forward. We have put together a LIST of some of these regressive thoughts that are have been a part of our culture; we will discuss them at length, find out why they originated and why some of them are not needed anymore, and hope that in the process we will gain a better understanding of the fact that the only way to move forward as a nation is to let some of the past live in the PAST.

1. Women should look towards the men in the family for guidance and direction

There was a time when women had to depend on the men in their lives – fathers brothers, husbands and sons in order to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Back then it made sense; women were not encouraged to study and didn’t have any formal education and that is why all the major decisions in the family were automatically taken by the men because they were more worldly, wiser and practical. However today, the scenario is very different. Many women are equally qualified as the men in their life, if not more. So we think that this regressive thought, which would mean a woman, should ask her father or husband if she can take up a new job or should seek permission to buy a new car, or guidance on how to handle her yearly savings is redundant.

2. Women are never good with handling financial matters

Once again, this thought came in to existence because the women of the past were uneducated. Math and numbers were not their forte, which is why handling financial matters was not a job entrusted to them. However today women earn as much as the men in their life, if not more! So why cannot they handle their own financial matters? Even today, it isn’t uncommon to find husbands who expect their working wives to handle their salaries over to them or to the head of the family – which could be the mother-in-law or father-in-law. They decide on all savings, investments and allowances, leaving the woman feel more like a child than an independent individual who should have the right to do with her money as she pleases. This regressive thought process too should be done away with, until and unless the family structure is open and modern, where all members’ pool finances and take a call together to handle finances in a way that works best for them as a team. But if the woman wants to handle her own finances, by all means she must have the right to do so because she has worked hard to earn that money.

3. Women should dress and act a certain way

This regressive thought can be interpreted as a boon and a bane. It’s a bane because many women feel suffocated, not being able to have a personality of their own because their families expect them to dress and act a certain way. This practice came in to being because in the past, the way a woman behaved and dressed was a directly reflection on her family. It works like a boon too; women who dress appropriately and act in a certain manner are less likely to get caught in the middle of controversies in our country. However, we think it is time to give a little freedom to our women when it comes to the way they act and dress, as long as they are within bounds. It is time that a mother-in-law stops expecting her daughter-in-law to come saree clad with sindoor and heavy jewellery every time she visit them, even when she is completely aware that the daughter-in law is otherwise comfortable donning jeans and kurtis everyday, which are also very practical and safe dressing styles for the Indian woman. Why? It creates a rift, and it will make the daughter-in-law want to visit her mother in law less often, which truly isn’t worth it just for the sake of attire, is it?

4. If a woman wants to work, a safe 9 to 5 job should be her only option

In the past, when women started to pick up jobs, they preferred a 9 to 5 job. The reasons were many – there weren’t as many opportunities for women in high profile careers and taking care of the home front was also only the woman’s job back then. However, today a woman has many career opportunities and forcing her to choose a 9 to 5 job only because it is not safe for her to come late at night, after a hard day at work, is not being fair. So does it make more sense to expect our women to give up their dreams and hopes of a high flying career they have deserved and worked hard for, or does it make more sense to change as a society and make our cities and offices safe havens for women to rise to their potential and walk hand in hand with their male colleagues? 

5. Women should give up their careers when they have children in order to be called good mothers

This practice is not only followed in India but also everywhere in the world. Working women settled to become homemakers because they wanted to take care of their children. And even today, many women do this by choice, because for them their career isn’t as important as raising a responsible, well rounded child. And that is where the catch really lies...in India, most families will automatically assume that a pregnant woman should give up her job. Whether a woman wants to put her career on the back foot once she becomes a mother or not should be solely her choice, and to some extent the opinions of her husband can factor in. But she should have the choice....right? She shouldn’t be automatically expected to put up her resignation because she is expecting a baby, neither should it be assumed that all responsibility for caring for the child lies solely on her shoulders. A better approach is to take a collective decision as a family – to share the responsibility of caring for the child so that both parents can pursue their dreams without having to compromise on child care. After all, it is a job that is best done by parents and grandparents as opposed to house help and nannies, so there should be a way to care for the little one without expecting that only the mother will give up her career while the father is free to dream and rise.

6. Once a woman gets married, it’s her duty to always put her in-laws before her own birth family

This is a regressive thought that must be done away with. Yes, we do take up the surnames of our husbands after we get married. But rather than seeing it as ‘Leaving your mother’s house and now being a member of a new family’, the right approach is to see a marriage as ‘Also becoming a member of the new family, while you will always have your own family to count back on’. How many times have we heard of horror stories where daughters are forced to be a part of celebrations at their marital home when their fathers and mothers were lying sick, only because ‘She must keep her in-laws happy’ and cannot be spared to care for her sick parent? These regressive thoughts need to be done away with. Today more and more Indians are also choosing to live in nuclear families and most couples have about 2 kids. Thus, it is very important that for families to stay together and grow together, the sense of balance between ‘Her Parents’ and ‘His Parents’ must be achieved.