A woman meets a man; their romance soon blossoms in to love and what
follows is a beautiful wedding that the woman thinks will lead to ‘living
happily ever after’. If that sounds quite
like a fairy tale, it’s probably because sometimes it is just that. In reality,
things might not always turn out to be what we women imagined, and the man we thought
to be our ‘Soul Mate’, our better half, may in course of time reveal the most
fearsome and ruthless side of his character. And while that means shattering of
all dreams to countless pieces, in some cases it may even mean that the woman’s
life may be at stake because her husband could be her tormentor, rather than
being her protector.
Indian women, despite all the modernization
they adopt, seldom forget their traditions. Some say the ‘Pativrata’ values are
almost ingrained in our DNA. Therefore, in many cases it becomes very difficult
for us Indian women to swallow the bitter truth that the man we love and
married to cherish for life could be our torturer. We keep forgiving and
forgetting, giving the perpetrator more and more chances to commit countless
acts of violence.
WHO Statistics on partner violence on women
When a woman is physically abused, it is actually violence against the
entire human race. Human rights, public health and social justice are badly
degraded with the violence on our women.
In a recent study conducted by WHO or World Health Organization it was
declared that approximately 50% of violence committed on the women was perpetrated
by their partners itself. According to exact updated statistical data in Africa,
the partner violence rate on women is 45.6, in America its 36.1, in Eastern
Mediterranean its 36.4, in Europe its 27.2, in South-east Asia its 40.2, in
Western Pacific its 27.9.
According to statistics conducted in India in 2007, near about 8093
dowry-related murder cases were reported and the number of cases of rape, assault
and murders of women committed by their husbands has been swelling alarmingly
since. But very sadly, often efforts were made to falsely label those cases as
‘accidents’ or ‘suicides’ from the side of the perverted intimate partner or
his family.
How can you choose the right partner?
Today, when we read these statistics, it becomes very evident that we
need to be very careful while choosing our life partner. Its not always possible to know that your soulmate will become your torturer in the course of time, but it is possible to be slightly more careful and pay attention to some signs should they be revealed before you have tied the knot.
- Before committing into a relationship,
gather sufficient information about the man, especially if you feel something is amiss. Go to his work place, talk to
his neighbours about his nature and his family. It’s best you do all that
without his knowledge.
- Don’t commit readily. Prolong the courtship
and take time before you get married. Dating the man helps you to know his
character, his flaws, and his nature a little more, so that you can make
an informed decision. While you spend time together, look out for signs
that could tell you he has a violent streak. Look for signs of lies, signs
that he has something to hide and always follow your gut instinct. If you
smell something ‘fishy’, dig a little deeper. After all, it’s a question
of your whole life, because love truly is not enough when it comes to
abusive relationships.
- If the violent streak in your partner’s
character is revealed in any manner, take notice. It could be that he is abusive
and even physical with waiters and bartenders, he could find pleasure in hurting
the weak and even animals, and he could have a short temper that could
result in him using derogatory language because you arrived late for the
date. If he ever hits you for some minor argument, take these signs as
‘red flags’ and retreat immediately.
Stuck with a violent partner?
In case you are stuck with a violent partner, don’t suffer silently. You
may end up paying for this mistake with your life. You can take these following steps to get help:
- Turn to the law, but make sure that you
are aware of the legislations that run in your favour. Researching on the
net is one good way to find adequate info, or talk to a friend or family member
who has knowledge on the matter.
- Always keep the phone numbers of local
police station, woman commission and NGO’s saved as speed dial on your phone
so that whenever you are in danger you can call out for help.
- Don’t keep your fears and apprehensions
bottled up within you. Take your well wishers into confidence. They can
show you the right path.
It’s time to open our eyes....if your soulmate is wearing the face of
the tormentor you always feared, it’s time to take a stand. Do not sit back and
resign yourself to your fate; instead, take a step and protect yourself. Marriage
is about partnership and compromise, but if it’s your quality of life, or worse
the safety of your life that you are compromising with, you are as much to
blame as him.
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