The Broken Mirror

                                                                        

In an Indian social set up families rejoice when a son is born while lament when a daughter is born. But every woman, at the bottom of her heart craves for a daughter no matter how many sons she has mothered. There goes a saying that daughters can be a mother’s best friend and vice versa. So is that the reason why women crave to have a daughter they can call their own? There are many layers to this psychographic. 

Actually, most women in India have at some point of time in their life been subject to oppression, suppression, physical, mental or emotional tortures; be it in their father’s house or in their in-law’s house. Women are often asked to stand aside no matter how talented they are and yield place to the men of the house. When they become mothers, they wish for a daughter who would grow up to be like them but will not compromise with her dreams as they did.

Daughter: Reflection of or Reaction to the mother

A daughter, by virtue of her sex, tries to imitate the mother more than the father. She tries to be more like her mother, trying to emulate the way her mother dresses up, the way she talks, the way she walks and more. When the daughter starts growing up, her mother’s beauty and femininity and the way she behaves seem quite interesting to her, and she tries to be like the mother by learning the same and following in her mother’s footsteps. In that way, from the very childhood the daughter becomes a reflection of the mother. 

Every mother tries her best to bring up a daughter who is responsible and confident, so that her own unfulfilled hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled through her daughter. However, if the mother goes through bad times; i.e. she is tortured, beaten up by her in-laws and husband or is struggling for money, that too has an impact on the daughter. She becomes aggressive towards the men of the society in general and acquires a cynical or non-conformist attitude towards life. In that way she again becomes a reaction to what’s going on in her mother’s life.

Mother should be an example to her daughter

Most mothers don’t even realize that their daughters have turned into their reflection. ‘Reflection’ means a mirror-image, which implies that their daughters lack an individuality of their own. It is important for mothers to instil their values and character believes in their daughters, but it is equally important to give enough scope for the individuality of the daughter to amplify as well. 

It is in fact the mother’s responsibility to not just teach the daughter a way of life but inculcate and lead by example the life she wishes for her daughter. Only then will the daughter be motivated enough to follow her instructions, implement, and judge by herself what’s good and what’s bad by seeing a practical example. This will help hone her individuality and will also ensure that she takes the best of her mother’s traits, while tries to develop a unique character of her own with confidence. 

Few Blunders that mother commit to make their daughters a ‘broken mirror’:

If mothers have been going through hardships and tortures, the first impact of all these come on the daughter. This is because most women psychologically feel that their daughters could be their confidante; she too will grow up to be a woman one day. Some women start sharing all the experiences of their trauma with their daughter even when she is too young to understand it all. In other words, mothers tend to burden their daughters with the trauma of their experiences from a very young age, something that can scar the tender mind of a child for a lifetime.

Many a times when the daughter starts growing up, instead of befriending her, the mother starts seeking a consoler in her. This is because most Indian women have an emotional vacuum in their life, a loneliness which they are desperate to brush aside. Most of the time they cross the thin line between a ‘friend’ and a ‘consoler’ and look for to their daughters to become their crying shoulder.

All the bad experiences that the mother shares with her daughter have a negative impact on her psychology and on her innocence. Therefore, it is very important that a mother understands that while she has a friend in her daughter, she still is her child’s first teacher and first guide. It is very important to choose carefully what you share with your daughter, and the way you put forth a certain situation in front of her. After all, do you really want your daughter, who is trying to be your mirror image, to starts reflecting your traumas in the form of a ‘Broken Mirror’?

The Rape Law

                                                                                

 The Rape Law

The ceaseless and recurrent incidents of rape in India have battered the country’s image terribly in the International arena; the various news reports published on Indian rape cases has not only horrified the country but the world at large. The Brutal gang rape of Nirvaya, the paramedical student in Delhi, in wake of year 2012 generated shock waves across India and even managed to stir up a huge international uproar. But nothing much changed after that. Rather incidents of rapes and sexual assaults on women have increased all the more after Nirvaya’s case, and today India is looked upon as World’s Rape Capital. 

The rape culture in India has thrived because the anti-rape laws of the country are slack & outmoded. A lot of time is wasted in prosecuting the charges against the accused or the suspects to reach a final verdict. Is it time India revised and updated its anti-rape laws? 

India’s Current Rape Law:

Rape is a criminal offence in India. Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code defines it as an act of sexual intercourse in which a man forcibly penetrates without the woman’s consent. However, this crime can be committed in several ways and that means it’s high time that the anti-rape laws that were framed in the 1860s are amended to increase their scope and give better justice to the victim and better protection to women. 

In response to public protests soon after the Delhi Gang rape cas, the parliament of India made a remarkable attempt to safeguard the helpless women against horrendous sexual violence by passing a sweeping brand new anti-rape legislation. After Nirvaya’s case that gave the country the rude jolt it needed, some revisions in the laws have been made.

These new anti-rape law makes voyeurism, stalking and sexual harassment a criminal offence as well. If the rape victim dies due to the attack or if the rapist is a repeat offender, the new gives the perpetrator death penalty. If police officers refuse to file complaints from rape victims for the open cases of sexual assaults, they too can be taken to court and punished under law according to this new anti-rape legislation. 

The new status of the current revised law against rape in India does look more pro-active, but does it help much in reality?

The Loopholes in the Law:

Though initially this new law seemed like a huge milestone for enforcing women’s rights quite fabulously in the country, gradually many loopholes came afloat that became a subject of debate. 

For instance it omitted crucial issues like marital rape. Also certain inclusions in the new law make the process more problematic. For example, raising the minimum age limit of consent, clauses where it’s mentioned that the rape victim will be interrogated for first –round information collection only by a police officer who is female are some major inclusions that ultimately stood out as the major loopholes in the current anti-rape law.

Here is a look at these Loopholes in details:

• Firstly marital rape is a very crucial issue which should not have been omitted. Often husbands bash up their wives, torture them and force them into sexual intercourse against their will. This sort of behaviour is actually ingrained in the male-dominated society of India. Lawmakers really need to deal with it with a stern hand because marital rape shatters the dreams of a married woman and degrades her soul.
• By raising the consent age, scope for teen rape and juvenile rape cases in the country have been created and so this loophole too needs to be plugged through appropriate revisions.
• Clauses which say that only a female officer can interrogate a rape victim really make no sense because in our country only 6.5% of the police force comprises of female officers while the rest are all males. Instead there should have been a provision in the new law which clarified that the kind of language and demeanour the officers, whether male or female, use or take up while interrogating the traumatized rape survivors should be kind, unbiased and non-judgemental.

While the new Rape laws in India do have the potential to thwart the rate of rapes reported every day, the loopholes that have ignited debate among the countless social activists, feminists and reformers need to be dealt with once and for all to see any REAL changes. 

Raped Again

                                                                                   

Raped Again

If the recent gang rape in Mumbai, a young girl of 22 years old left you reeling with shock, you are not alone. Raped again – the story of the women of India and the atrocities that they go through at the hands of perverted men is nothing new. And while media tries hard to expose each and every case in order to bring justice to the victims, has anything really changed?

Women have for ever been an object of man’s desire, and if she resists, they would even go to length of violating all laws and ‘having her’ forcibly. In a male-dominated society like that of India, men care a fig when it comes to showing off their male prowess; a fact that is very much evident by the alarming rise in the number of rape cases in our country and the failure of the laws & Crime Control Departments to curb such brutal violence against our women. 

Country shocked by yet another brutal rape incident

Very recently the country was shocked yet again by the brutal gang rape of a 22 year old young photojournalist in Mumbai who was raped in the deserted compound of Shakti Mill when she went there along with her male colleague to take pictures related to her assignment for a National Magazine. She was doing her internship with the company and was involved in her genre of work for the last 3 and a half months. 

When they reached the mill compound around 6pm in the evening, two of the rapists accosted them and three more joined in and tied up her male colleague using their belts. Then all five of them gruesomely raped the girl about 15 ft from the spot where her colleague was captivated. Next they walked the rape victim and the boy to the Mahalaxmi Station, the nearest station to that area and before going into the station they clicked the rape victim’s photo on their cell, threatening to make it public if she took action against them. 

Is this what we have come to as a society? Are we going to stand idly by when crime against women has reached such heights that rapists think that clicking compromising photos of the victim to shame them further is all that is needed to seal their mouth forever?

 This Mumbai rape incident obviously compels many to think that it’s not the rape victim who should feel ashamed, but it’s our country itself which is shamed once again by such a horrendous incident. 

What politicians, actors, actresses have to say on this?

Several politicians, actors and actresses have given vent to their anger and disgust on this issue of Mumbai gang rape. For instance the Communications & IT Minister Kapil Sabil remarked, “It will be dealt in the most severe manner. Our Country cannot have our women and children insecure in the 

hands of the attackers”. 

The famous Actor Amitabh Bachchan added by remarking, "It is a shameful act. It is a matter of shame and insult to the city of Mumbai for such a disgraceful thing (gang rape) that has happened here. A photo journalist, who was deputed for her work, became a victim. It makes us saddened" 

Reputed Actress Juhi Chawla was equally shocked by the incident and stated, “This news comes as a shocker. I hope the victim will be healed and fine. I felt worse for the fact that she is a photographer, so she may be connected to our film industry. I can't imagine how painful and traumatic this must be for her and her family. Very tragic”

The Mumbai Gang: Triggering public & youth outrage all across India

This gang rape has created tremendous ripples of uproar among the youths and masses, not only in Mumbai, but in the entire country at large. In different regions of the country the angry outrageous mob took to streets in the form of rallies and showed off their agitation and protest against the rapists who devastated the life of a young woman. 

The mob also protested against the inactive law that is ultimately doing nothing to check this growing crime against Indian Women. They, to show off their wrath, did things like burning effigies, carrying festoons and placards with derogatory remarks against the rapists, parading in different kinds of outfits bearing social messages for women’s safety and so on. All agreed on one point and that is: ‘Perpetrators should be punished most harshly!’

But does that really ever happen? Is this yet another case of a life destroyed where the perpetrators will not be answerable for their actions?

Can we really bring about a change?

To check these recurrent incidents of rapes and gang rapes in our country what is needed is REAL ACTION. Mere agitation and words can’t suffice the purpose. We have to revise our Anti-rape legislations and do away with the loopholes to begin with, but also we also need to keep in mind that laws alone can’t check the alarming situation that has been created for women today. 

What we need is to bring a huge social reformation.  It’s high time that the men of our society should stop thinking of our women as mere sexual objects! Only then can we expect the women of India to feel safe when they are out doing nothing but their jobs.

The Unconventional Bahu

Yesterday I met a friend who got married last year. She used to be a healthy happy go lucky kind of girl but now she’s looking pale and has lost a lot of weight. When I asked the reason for her deteriorating health she blamed her in laws saying she’s finding it hard to adjust with her traditional in-laws. Apart from doing a full time job, her in-laws expect her to do all the household chores like cooking, cleaning etc. It has become very difficult for her to maintain the balance between her job and home resulting in her fading health and now she’s forcing her husband to take a job in some other city where she can live her life the way she wants without the interference of her in-laws.

The Typical Bahu

Though we are living in 21st century Indian society is still very backward when it comes to choosing a good daughter in-law. An ideal daughter in-law is someone who will take care of everything at home and will do everything it takes to make her husband and his family happy without thinking about her own goals and happiness. In-laws always want their daughter-in-laws to be perfect home-makers so they can boast in society about how they have the “best bahu”. They expect their daughter-in-law to cook delicious food, wear traditional clothes whenever somebody comes calling, wear a mangalsutra and not forget sindoor,  lest she ceases to look like a married woman! Most in-laws tend to treat the jobs of the daughter-in-laws as an add-on. The daughter-in-laws job more often than not has the least priority. If there are no visitors, the kids have been fed and the lunch has been cooked, the daughter-in-law can go to work. If there are unexpected visitors, she might as well call in sick or use some other excuse to get a leave.

The scene today
It is the 21st Century. Mothers don’t stand over the shoulder of their seven year old daughters and instruct them on how to cook, just so that once she goes to ‘apne ghar’ she knows how to win hearts with her culinary skills. She is not taught how to sew a button on a man’s shirt and how to do elegant embroidery. It does not matter whether or not the daughter can make the perfect chai-samosa combination. What matters is that the daughter is educated.

Parents struggle to give their girl child the best of education. She grows up learning to be independent. She studies hard not because she wants to be known as Mrs. Someone or Sharmaji ki Bahu.  She puts in an effort so that she makes her parents proud and carves herself an independent identity in this competitive world.

With so much to do where will she find the time to be the traditional Bahu?

What women really want from their marriage
Women don’t want to marry a custom or tradition. Women want to be married to a human being and his family. They want to be accepted, acknowledged and respected for who they are. They want their strengths to be appreciated and their desires to be understood.

It is a myth that modern daughter-in-laws are averse to compromises. Just because a woman is modern in her thoughts, attitude and dressing does not mean she has taken leave of her senses or traded in her heart. A woman understands that every relationship is a balance of give and take. She understands that to win some she will have to lose some. To that extent every woman is willing to adapt and compromise.

Every woman’s ‘new family’ needs to understand the challenge of adapting to a new lifestyle. In-laws need to make changes of their own to make space for a new member of the family. Traditions and customs were created by man to make life a celebration. It’s time to tweak them and change them to keep the mood happy.

When you marry your son, remember you are not getting a puppy home. You are getting a woman. You can’t scold her or beat her into obeying you. You can’t train her. What you can do is love her and respect her. Give her the freedom to be herself and she might just open doors you never knew existed.

Western Influences On Indian Mindsets

Visualize a modern day young Indian woman.

What do you see?

Probably a lady dressed in a shirt, trousers and sunglasses, headed out to work at her MNC office. No?

Well maybe a young woman dressed in a gown for a masquerade party. No?

Wait maybe a lazy woman, sitting at her home, dressed in cool knickers, gorging on an ordered Pizza?

A common thread connecting these Indian ladies is that they’re Indian by origin and Western by influence. The ‘how’ of the influence is quite evident. From head to toe, from day to night, the attitude, the body language, all speak the language of the West. Dress code, language of communication, lifestyle, food, dance, everything and anything has been coloured in the hues and shades of the West.  

The question that pops up here is: Why is there a Western influence at all on young Indian women?

At the time India was colonized by the British, the society and culture were much different from what they are, today. The young Indian female, in particular had a totally different social status. The Western wave brought winds of change and over time, the influence passed on. And among others, the young Indian woman got much more independent.

Pros and Cons of the Society:
The society was a gender-biased and partial one. Social evils like the Sati practice prevailed. Widowed women were looked down upon as people who carried bad luck. The Dowry system, as it still does today, led to women being hassled for more money in their husbands’ homes. Cases of the bride being burnt alive are reported to this day. The woman of the house assisting the man in earning the daily bread and butter, wasn’t considered appropriate.

When a class of people is repressed too much, the rebellion comes back with greater force.

The freedom-starved Indian woman craved for all the freedom and luxuries the Western woman had. With time, as she got the right opportunities, she flourished under the influence and rose up to come face her counterpart and share much deserved, equal status with him. 

The Western society being a liberal one, held much attraction for the young Indian woman. Globalization, Liberalization, Intermingling of different backgrounds and cultures have as much of a positive impact as a negative one.

The young Indian woman of the moment is an individual aware of her rights and duties, a being financially and morally independent, someone who can raise her voice when wronged.
And it is nothing that a woman should not be!

Somewhere because of misinterpretation of the culture and heritage of such a progressive country of the past, the values got lost when imposed in an immoral way.

The loss has occurred. But there’s still chance to learn. If the Indian woman had to look westwards for inspiration, the society can be reconstructed in a manner than India becomes the new West and sets even higher standards of individual living.

After all, ours is the country where Shakti is worshiped as the source of all power. Correct interpretation and reimplementation of the old values of the Indian culture can build a society unparalleled, like it once was.

The Traditional Indian Woman - A Boon or a Bane?

If you take a closer look around you, you’ll realize that the traditional Indian woman is very different from her western counterparts. For those who have traveled the world and had the chance to meet women from different countries and cultures, it may come as a surprise that the characteristics of the typical Indian woman, and their sublime qualities like unquestionable forbearance, sacrifice and  sense of morality and virtue stands out. The traditional India woman is truly unique, but is that a boon or a bane?

The uniqueness of the traditional Indian woman:
When you think of a traditional Indian woman, the three things that first come to mind are poise, elegance and grace. The Indian woman has been reared and groomed to be nurturing, caring, and honorable. They are expected to hold a family together and to take a back seat to the whims of their husbands and fathers, and in most households they do not have an equal relationship with the men of the house. It is ingrained in to them since childhood that their duty is to fulfil their role as a wife, mother and sister, by putting their needs behind those for whom they care. While some may say this gives the Indian woman a matchless identity, others would not be wrong in saying that the traditional Indian woman has been born and bred to be repressed.

In all earnest, the Indian woman is not without weaknesses. While she has the inner strength to withstand a lot of emotional and physical distress in order to fulfill all the roles she plays, she often doesn’t have the strength and conviction to stand up against what she believes is wrong.  She feels she cannot overstep her boundaries and try to change the society she lives in, even when she doesn’t believe in the rules herself.

Is it time for the traditional Indian woman to change?
It comes as no surprise that the traditional Indian woman puts up with domestic abuse – be it physical, mental or emotion, as her fate. She believes that she cannot question the rules of the society, which is why a large percentage of all abusive marriages go unreported till date. It is time that the traditional Indian woman understands that the role she plays in this society is indispensable, and she has nothing to fear by voicing her opinion and drawing attention to the issues that are a cause for concern. Be it female infanticide, child abuse, sexual abuse or domestic violence, there is no reason for the Indian woman to maintain a stoic facade and bear with what can only be termed as ‘torture’. 

She needs to transform her thinking and understand that she doesn’t need to cast in a stereotype by the society. She has the right to be appreciated for who she is and encouraged for any steps she might want to take to bring about a positive change in her life. It is time that the Indian woman changes her mental outlook about her role, and understands that she has the right to stand up for what she believes in rather than give in to domestic drudgery. It isn’t worth caring about what others may think of her, but it’s more important to be a person she is proud to be.