Why Men Can’t Marry Women who are more successful than they are

We live in a patriarchal society, where the man is considered to be the ‘Provider’ and ‘Defender’ and the woman the ‘Home Maker’ and ‘Care Giver’. That’s how things were 50 years back in our country, and in many ways, they haven’t changed a lot. In this 21^st century where women are just as well educated, modern and ambitious as men, what comes as a surprise is that most men are still not comfortable being married to a woman who is more successful than them. They might date a woman who is at par with them, but think twice before they tie the knot. Why the reluctance to marry a woman who might not need ‘providing’ at all, but could actually be bringing in more money in to the household?

Here are 4 reasons, why most men cannot marry a woman who is more successful than them:

1. The play of the male ego

No matter how educated a man is, when it comes to marriage, he views women through his typical patriarchal lenses. Most have a plethora of criteria that their life partner should meet before the wedding knot is tied. Thus, even though these men might be very pro towards women empowerment and gender equality, they still have in them a superiority complex which is better known as the ‘Typical Male Ego’. This male ego stops a man from marrying a woman who is better than him, forbidding him from choosing someone who is more qualified, professionally more established and more successful than him. This male ego can be very dangerous at times totally wrecking the married life of couples because as the famous love quote says - ‘Ego kills Love’

2. Patriarchal thoughts are hard to get over

His patriarchal thoughts also forbid him from choosing someone who is more successful than him. Our societal structure is essentially patriarchal, and men brought up in such a societal setup cannot just bring themselves to accept the fact that their wife would be more successful than they are; they find this totally unpalatable. In a patriarchy Men had always been dominating the women and women had always been carrying out their dictates with complete obeisance. They feel that if the wife is more successful it may happen the other way round; i.e. the wife may start dominating them and they might have to observe obeisance & servitude. They want to have an upper hand always; so even if their wives are career women, they still like to know that they have the better, more influential and more financial rewarding career when compared to that of their wives. 

3. Assuming the wife will want to run the show

Another major reason that stops them from choosing a bride who is more successful than they are is an opinion: Most men believe that if their wives are more successful than they are, their wives will run the show. Women have an intrinsic capacity of capturing attention and if they are successful, they’ll take charge of the show in almost all grand events of life while their husbands will remain unnoticed or get lost in the crowd. This is one fear or insecurity that also stops men from choosing more successful women as their life partner. They want that their wife should be answerable to them and depend on them for most things in life; otherwise they somehow start to feel like less of a man.

4. Her priorities could mean family life might suffer

Also men feel that successful women will obviously be career women, very ambitious in nature. That means her priorities in life would be to move forward in her career and achieve her dreams, rather than wanting to spend more time devoted to family life – being kids and parents and in-laws. Leaving everything on maids is not accepted as a wise choice by most Indian men, so they prefer a wife who can make time for a happy and stable family life.