Obsolete Traditions in a New World

                                                            

Obsolete Traditions in a New World

In this 21^st century, Indian women claim to be modern, educated, aware of their rights and think of themselves to be at par with men in every respect. But when the independent women of India openly try to decry the orthodoxies still prevalent in the society, they are faced with conflict and condemnation at every step. Does this indicate that the Indian society, at its very core, still retains the anti-woman outlook it has since centuries no matter how advanced the women of today are both educationally and economically?

 It can be safely said that in many ways, even today whatever gender equality or independence of women we get to perceive in India is just on the surface level; while at the deeper levels of our society nothing has radically changed for women. This probably is the only reason that can explain why even today, some of the most abominable and heartless ‘Anti-woman traditions’ that should have been long obsolete are still observed in many parts of India, predominantly rural India.

Here is a look at the 5 most shocking Anti-woman traditions prevalent till date in our so-called modern society that neither the worldwide feminist revolution could brush aside, nor the light of woman literacy could bring an end to.

1. Balika Vadhu: 

It is common knowledge that long back; it was a custom in India for young girls to be married off prior to reaching puberty. What is shocking is that this atrocious practice is still prevalent in many parts of Northern India, especially in regions like - Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Gujrat and Haryana. Though ‘Child Marriage’ is now illegal, when villages in rural areas still practice such traditions, who is to report it? The structure of the society allows parents and family members to marry girls off at a very young age, killing her innocence and all chances of a normal, happy childhood. She is often expected to start having babies right after she matures, generally before her body is physically ready for the purpose of child bearing, and sadly this often leads to fatal consequences putting at risk the lives of both the mother and child.

2. Widow Maltreatment: 

Widows in the past were awfully mistreated in our country. If when a husband passed away, the wife was often expected to stay away from other family members in isolation and it was believed that she is was the one who brought ‘bad luck’ to the family and was somehow to be blamed for her miserable fate for life. The society made her life utterly difficult by putting countless restrictions on her as if she too had ceased to live. 

Many young widows were forcibly made to shave their head or cut their hair short. They were restricted from eating any delicacy food items, dressing up in bright colours or wearing jewellery and their only attire was a plain white sari. Surprisingly, the same practice still prevails in many parts of modern India. If a widow chooses to live her life on her own set rules, she becomes an object of society’s derision.

However certain positive steps are being taken to battle the present situation. We saw the example of the same when this year on Raksha Bandhan, the widows of Varanasi were brought to the limelight because they got the opportunity of tying ‘rakhi’ on social reformer, Bindeshwari Pathak’s wrist. One of the widows who made news in this event is Namuna Gautam, because in her long life of 80 years she tied rakhi to someone for the first time. This indicates how much widows were maltreated and kept out of all auspicious and holy occasions, even in this day and age!

3. Female foeticide: 

This abdominal tradition has become a matter of national crisis in our country and due to this shameful social evil; the male-female ratio in India has dropped alarmingly. In many Indian homes when it is known that the woman who has conceived has a girl child in her womb, she is often forced to get an abortion. This matter came to limelight many a times, and many radiologists in small towns and villages who advertised it as their business to tell the gender of the baby as soon as possible so that families could decide if they wanted to keep a girl child or not were shut down; their medical licenses cancelled. Yet, in many parts of India, this practice continues and countless girl foetuses are killed inhumanely every year. 

4. Dowry system: 

In spite of so many anti-dowry laws, the evils of dowry system still prevail in our country. It appears, as if a father is not marrying off his daughter; he is rather fixing a deal in the marriage market where the in-laws have the upper hand to demands whatever they want. And in many caste systems of India and also in many states, this practice of ‘buying a husband’ continues.

5. Dev Dasi: 

In many of the temples of Southern India, Dev Dasis often dedicated their lives to the almighty and were supposed to lead a pious life in service of the Lord. But the lecherous priests often fulfilled their physical desires by exploiting the Dev Dasis sexually. The same thing is happening till today, and even more rampantly due to increasing corruptions.

Don’t you think it is time these obsolete traditions came to an end? Do they really have a meaning in this New World we are trying to create? We invite all members of our blog to contribute any other ridiculous traditions they know are rampant in India even today, so that together we can make a difference. 

3 Women Who Defied Tradition

Women have forever been shackled by tradition; and the story is the same the globe over, whether it’s in India or in the West. Though, when it comes to presenting grim examples of women being trampled in the name of ‘Customs and Traditions’, our country has perhaps always been in the headlines with its harrowing tales of bride burning for the sake of the damaging tradition of Dowry System, or the inhuman Indian tradition that has given a startling shake to the World Human Rights Commission - the increasing rate of female feticide, especially in rural India. 

In the West too women were subverted in many ways though the picture was not as grim as it was in India. There was a strict compartmentalization between the womanly spheres of activities and the male activities and women were not allowed to enter the male domain. For instance, knitting, housekeeping, looking after children, culinary management etc were the woman’s zone and according to the Western traditions women were expected to stick to those alone. 

However, time and again, there have been some brave and courageous women who decided to take a stand, and make a difference. These women went down in history, remembered forever for having defied the rules of the society and the traditions that were ingrained in them from childhood. Let’s remember three such brave women today, and salute their courage by finding out what made them so extraordinary.

Take a look into the Pages of History:

If we tread back in time, we can gather quite a few examples from the pages of history where women with their exemplary strength of character have defied traditions. However, we have chosen 3 women who left their mark on the world, and tried to explore what made them beat all odds and make a real difference.

#1 Jhansi ki Rani: An extraordinary warrior queen 

Take for example the Jhansi ki Rani, Laxmi Bai. She is a great female figure, rather a feminist icon and martyr who wielded her sword defiantly as a protest against two forms of patriarchal domination: native as well as colonial. She was born into traditions where womanhood; i.e. giving birth to children, nurturing them, keeping within the periphery of the familial house and managing household affairs etc, were duly exalted. But in her case too traditions stood in the way for women to achieve true freedom. When it came to taking major decisions in matters of country and politics, men always ruled the roost.

 Lxmi Bai’s real fervour was exposed only after the demise of her husband, Raja Gangadhar Rao. She became subjected to conspiracy and was denied the claim of her adopted child to the ruler’s throne. From that point of time in Indian history started her struggle which upheld before the world her unflappable womanhood. During that era our Country was being ravaged by various issues of gender injustice and was colonized by the British people as well. Even in such a scenario, Rani of Jhansi secretly received her trainings in sword play and scripture reading. These trainings helped her a lot in future and were her first step to defy tradition. 

 Her prominence as a female liberationist in the Indian anti-colonial movement was established with the vehemence she challenged British Doctrine of Lapse. But apart from fighting for her kingdom even after being a woman, this ‘daredevil wife’ of Jhansi defied traditions in other ways too. She fought against the traditional evil practice of Sati. She asserted that a woman should live even after her husband’s death. She also asserted that a woman too can rule an empire until her underage son or selected heir reaches the age to take over. Furthermore she fought for women’s right to join the battalion and don the soldier’s uniform. 

In all these scenarios, she defied traditions a lot establishing the feminist doctrine quite confidently. Thus Jhansi ki Rani is often remember as an ideal feminist icon and that makes her an extraordinary figure in Indian history.

#2 Anne Frank: A young woman who still managed to leave her mark on the world

Anne Frank is another great personality who lost her life in the German Holocaust. She is known for her courage to defy the traditions related to Puritanism. She was a Jewish who suffered tortured by the hands of Nazis. She lived in hiding camps when Germany came under the rule of Nazis and they were trying to destroy the Jewish population altogether. There she contracted the contagious Typhus infection and lost her life at the young age of 15. Adolf Hitler and Nazis were typically racists. They wanted to exterminate Jews because they intended to make German inhabitants a typical ‘master race’. They considered Jews a serious threat to Germany’s strength and purity and thus planned to demolish all Jews. 

Anne Frank was barely a woman, very young in age, and was still victimized during this holocaust. Yet she defied the puritan traditions courageously without fearing for her life, and that makes her extraordinary. She goes on to prove that age has nothing to do with courage; even the young can make a real difference and change the world.

#3 Queen Elizabeth I: The queen who changed world history

Queen Elizabeth I will always be remembered in world history as a woman who defied traditions quite noticeably. In her times, it was not easy for a woman to achieve monarchy and be on the throne because it was after all a world dominated by males and thus, she too had to encounter countless challenges.

 In the era when Queen Elizabeth I came to the throne it was male primogeniture that mostly governed all laws pertaining to property arrangements plus succession to ruler’s throne. Asserting independent authority was not allowed to women at least in theory and they were considered thoroughly subservient to the male members of the family such as husband, father or brother. In such a social and political milieu, her accession to the throne was indeed a bold attempt on her part to defy traditions and she ruled England successfully for many years and was quite acceptable to her male subjects. This makes her extraordinary, as she was one of the few women who dared to break tradition and make the men of that era take real notice of women and their ability to do more than just household chores.

How could these extraordinary women beat the odds with their specific traits of character?

All the three women figures mentioned above had certain traits in their character that are common. Those are:

• • Strong determination
• • Intense Will power
• • Undaunted Spirit 
• • Valour
• • Heroism
• • Limitless Capacity to suffer and yet remain unperturbed

So, these are some great women who defied traditions. The legacy they left behind still is a source of inspiration for many across the world, and we have a lot to learn from these women who dared to stand up for what they believed in, despite all the odds against them.

The Unconventional Bahu

Yesterday I met a friend who got married last year. She used to be a healthy happy go lucky kind of girl but now she’s looking pale and has lost a lot of weight. When I asked the reason for her deteriorating health she blamed her in laws saying she’s finding it hard to adjust with her traditional in-laws. Apart from doing a full time job, her in-laws expect her to do all the household chores like cooking, cleaning etc. It has become very difficult for her to maintain the balance between her job and home resulting in her fading health and now she’s forcing her husband to take a job in some other city where she can live her life the way she wants without the interference of her in-laws.

The Typical Bahu

Though we are living in 21st century Indian society is still very backward when it comes to choosing a good daughter in-law. An ideal daughter in-law is someone who will take care of everything at home and will do everything it takes to make her husband and his family happy without thinking about her own goals and happiness. In-laws always want their daughter-in-laws to be perfect home-makers so they can boast in society about how they have the “best bahu”. They expect their daughter-in-law to cook delicious food, wear traditional clothes whenever somebody comes calling, wear a mangalsutra and not forget sindoor,  lest she ceases to look like a married woman! Most in-laws tend to treat the jobs of the daughter-in-laws as an add-on. The daughter-in-laws job more often than not has the least priority. If there are no visitors, the kids have been fed and the lunch has been cooked, the daughter-in-law can go to work. If there are unexpected visitors, she might as well call in sick or use some other excuse to get a leave.

The scene today
It is the 21st Century. Mothers don’t stand over the shoulder of their seven year old daughters and instruct them on how to cook, just so that once she goes to ‘apne ghar’ she knows how to win hearts with her culinary skills. She is not taught how to sew a button on a man’s shirt and how to do elegant embroidery. It does not matter whether or not the daughter can make the perfect chai-samosa combination. What matters is that the daughter is educated.

Parents struggle to give their girl child the best of education. She grows up learning to be independent. She studies hard not because she wants to be known as Mrs. Someone or Sharmaji ki Bahu.  She puts in an effort so that she makes her parents proud and carves herself an independent identity in this competitive world.

With so much to do where will she find the time to be the traditional Bahu?

What women really want from their marriage
Women don’t want to marry a custom or tradition. Women want to be married to a human being and his family. They want to be accepted, acknowledged and respected for who they are. They want their strengths to be appreciated and their desires to be understood.

It is a myth that modern daughter-in-laws are averse to compromises. Just because a woman is modern in her thoughts, attitude and dressing does not mean she has taken leave of her senses or traded in her heart. A woman understands that every relationship is a balance of give and take. She understands that to win some she will have to lose some. To that extent every woman is willing to adapt and compromise.

Every woman’s ‘new family’ needs to understand the challenge of adapting to a new lifestyle. In-laws need to make changes of their own to make space for a new member of the family. Traditions and customs were created by man to make life a celebration. It’s time to tweak them and change them to keep the mood happy.

When you marry your son, remember you are not getting a puppy home. You are getting a woman. You can’t scold her or beat her into obeying you. You can’t train her. What you can do is love her and respect her. Give her the freedom to be herself and she might just open doors you never knew existed.