Are Indian Men More Attracted To And By The Concept Of Sex Than In The West?

Incidences of violence and sexual assault against women in India have been on the rise lately. Pinning down the cause for these and thwarting such incidents in the future is very important. 

Recently, the gang rape of a 23 year old psychotherapy student left the nation in shock and now the rape of a minor, who is just 5 years old, has appalled the country. One statistic has even pointed out that a female gets raped every 22 minutes in India. Then, eve teasing, acid attacks, dowry deaths and marriages of minors are also common in the country. Actually, the Asian Center for Human Rights has stated that the number of child rape cases have increased by more than three times between 2001 to 2011.

After recording women’s views, it was found that 95% of the women from New Delhi stated that they did not feel safe in public places. Also, about 75% of the men agreed with this statement made by majority of the female population in New Delhi. Moreover, the trend of selective sex abortion in the country indicates that women are in danger even before they are born. Then, the practice of paying dowry for a girl’s marriage, although made illegal, is still being carried on. Other social prejudices against women are not educating them and favoring male siblings over the girl child.  

The authorities have tried to change things by passing laws that appear to be more stringent but will this be able to alter anything is the question everyone should probe into. Men in India have deep rooted notions, beliefs and conceptions about women and sex. Getting to the majority of the population, a huge chunk of which is illiterate and bordering on the poverty line, is also a huge challenge. Not only is there a need to increase awareness about women’s issues but men also need to be sensitized on the subject. Some experts have even stated that things like female infanticide and marriage of underage girls suggests that a girl’s life isn’t valued in the country.

To change stereotypes about sex and attitude of men towards women, campaigns need to be executed at a grass-root level. Conventional and long established perceptions towards women have to change. For example, men shouldn’t judge a woman’s life choices or pass an opinion on any of their decisions such as the clothes they choose to wear. Women should also be encouraged to speak out in cases involving domestic violence and molestation.

The conservative mindset in India is very strong. So, it becomes difficult to even make people understand about women’s rights and the prejudices against them in the country. Most people just take such bigotry and bias for granted and consider it to be a norm. Many activists have also said that the falling number of women as compared to the number of men is the root cause of the issue. The number of men who are unable to find a suitable bride in the country is quite substantial.  So, educating and sensitizing the male population in India is a pressing need.

The Traditional Indian Woman - A Boon or a Bane?

If you take a closer look around you, you’ll realize that the traditional Indian woman is very different from her western counterparts. For those who have traveled the world and had the chance to meet women from different countries and cultures, it may come as a surprise that the characteristics of the typical Indian woman, and their sublime qualities like unquestionable forbearance, sacrifice and  sense of morality and virtue stands out. The traditional India woman is truly unique, but is that a boon or a bane?

The uniqueness of the traditional Indian woman:
When you think of a traditional Indian woman, the three things that first come to mind are poise, elegance and grace. The Indian woman has been reared and groomed to be nurturing, caring, and honorable. They are expected to hold a family together and to take a back seat to the whims of their husbands and fathers, and in most households they do not have an equal relationship with the men of the house. It is ingrained in to them since childhood that their duty is to fulfil their role as a wife, mother and sister, by putting their needs behind those for whom they care. While some may say this gives the Indian woman a matchless identity, others would not be wrong in saying that the traditional Indian woman has been born and bred to be repressed.

In all earnest, the Indian woman is not without weaknesses. While she has the inner strength to withstand a lot of emotional and physical distress in order to fulfill all the roles she plays, she often doesn’t have the strength and conviction to stand up against what she believes is wrong.  She feels she cannot overstep her boundaries and try to change the society she lives in, even when she doesn’t believe in the rules herself.

Is it time for the traditional Indian woman to change?
It comes as no surprise that the traditional Indian woman puts up with domestic abuse – be it physical, mental or emotion, as her fate. She believes that she cannot question the rules of the society, which is why a large percentage of all abusive marriages go unreported till date. It is time that the traditional Indian woman understands that the role she plays in this society is indispensable, and she has nothing to fear by voicing her opinion and drawing attention to the issues that are a cause for concern. Be it female infanticide, child abuse, sexual abuse or domestic violence, there is no reason for the Indian woman to maintain a stoic facade and bear with what can only be termed as ‘torture’. 

She needs to transform her thinking and understand that she doesn’t need to cast in a stereotype by the society. She has the right to be appreciated for who she is and encouraged for any steps she might want to take to bring about a positive change in her life. It is time that the Indian woman changes her mental outlook about her role, and understands that she has the right to stand up for what she believes in rather than give in to domestic drudgery. It isn’t worth caring about what others may think of her, but it’s more important to be a person she is proud to be.

Stalking - the mental form of rape

“But I didn’t touch her, so how is that rape?” “I was simply following her around for fun, I never laid a finger on her” … The people uttering such asinine sentences are the ones who are blissfully ignorant of the fact that there are things far worse than physical rape that they can do by ‘simply following her around.’ The mental form of rape, or stalking a woman, can have serious consequences on her psyche. The harm is not simply physical but psychological in this case, wherein the effects of the trauma of being stalked may manifest themselves at any point in life.

Stalking is a form of harassment where the victim, usually a female, is subjected to unwanted contact from her stalker in ways like following her, driving past her, leaving her threatening messages, repeated phone calls etc. What is surprising is that a majority of victims know their stalkers. In most cases, the stalkers are ex-boyfriends or men that the victim rejected- a fact that ruins their notion of ‘manliness’, which they then try to assert through tactics of domination. 

The psychological effects of being stalked can be alarming. The fact that stalkers often resort to violent behavior and threatening approaches can wreak havoc with a woman’s peace of mind. Victims of stalking are often victims of depression, nightmares, self-harm and suicide attempts as well. What makes it worse for the victim is the administration and even family members who often dismiss cases of stalking as ‘just boys having some fun’, following, of course, the logic of ‘no rape so no problem.’  A certain police officer even told a victim to go home and be ‘flattered’ with the attention she is receiving. What these people very conveniently forget to take into account is the mental well being of the girl in question.

Take, for example, the case of the thirteen year old girl Shabnoor in UP who committed suicide after she could no longer bear repeated stalking and sexual harassment by her neighbor. Or that of Ashely McCann in USA who talks about the fear and illness she experienced while being stalked by her ex-boyfriend for over one month. Or of the twenty one year old man in Britain who stalked a minor for five months before being arrested finally. Or the seventeen year old South Delhi girl who lapsed into depression after being stalked for over four months by a stranger. Stalking of women happens all over the world, irrespective of their religion, caste, creed or social status.

The need of the hour is to raise awareness about the fact that rape is more than just a physical crime. The mental rape of a woman by stalking her, passing lewd comments, mentally undressing her with your eyes or trying to make unwanted contact is no less reprehensible and disgusting. While some stalkers go unpunished by pleading mental illness and psychological disorders, many others roam scot-free because the laws on stalking are not strong enough. Remember, just because there is sexual intercourse being forced doesn’t mean that mental rape is not happening continuously.