When a mother delivers a girl child in India, many a times she cannot confidently and openly rejoice on becoming a mother. She is scared that she might offend her husband, her in-laws or even her cousins and neighbours! And thus, her joy of motherhood is stifled by the patriarchal mindset of her family and the society at large. To a mother, her baby is the most precious boon, whether it’s a daughter or a son. But the society tries to restrict her natural emotions if she has borne a daughter, to show off only one of its very cruel sides.
However, what is saddening is that most women actually expect this to happen. Most women know that the society has laid several restrictions on them, and while you may say that they have ‘learnt to live with them’, it can also be rightly said that they have resigned themselves to their fate without the desire to put up a fight. Sadly, they also ingrain the same ideas in the daughters they give birth to; some going to the extent of even taking pride in their situation as it only proves they are resilient. So in all earnestness, doesn’t that mean that the actual problem here is the Women themselves?
Biggest Problem of India: Women reconciled to their fate
In the past, women were kept in purdahs and the reason behind this was that any man other than their husband should not see them. Society had strictly forbidden women from showing their beauty in public, but had never restricted the men from spending countless nights with courtesans leaving their wives at home. Also, polygamy was allowed in our society, which again was an event of tremendous emotional trauma for each of the women who were married to one single man.
Though these customs have been declared unlawful in modern India, in many pockets of rural India they are still very much alive. And many other such ill practices against women exist till date too. The reason? The root of this widespread malice is Women themselves. Indian women have reconciled to their fate, with many actually believing that they are destined to suffer. Thus they can never even sum up the courage to protest against the wrong doings of men within the domestic periphery, forget the injustices done within the larger societal circle.
No matter how much feminists clamour for women rights, women empowerment or women emancipation can never be successful if women themselves think suffering at the hands of men is their fate and don’t come forward to avail those rights.
Why are women encouraging the next generation to believe the same?
An alarming aspect of this so called ‘Woman Problem’ is that those women who have been bred to believe that they were born to serve men and suffer the tortures inflicted by men quietly, actually instil the same values within their daughters. Why do that, when in this 21st century they can gain strength from many examples amongst the society that clearly prove women can be equal to men, but only if they try to assert their rights?
In all earnestness, the episodes of misfortune and drudgery of Indian women in this world of men passes over from one generation to another to become a vicious cycle. The only ones to blame here is Women themselves. If you have suffered in silence because your mother taught you so, why not make a difference and teach your daughter to stand up for her rights? Why not give her the right education and guidance, so that she has the confidence to make her own place in this man’s world?
Are we worsening the situation by taking pride in the current situation?
You have perhaps heard your grandmothers and mothers say that a woman once married off can leave her husband’s house only when her bier leaves the courtyard of the house. In other words, they believed that no matter how much torture your husband or your in-laws inflict on you, you have to suffer with cowed silence and live with it until you die. Parents do not support a young daughter who wants to separate from her husband because he tortures her, often because they believe that once married a woman must stay in her marital home, no matter what. And that is what gives sadistic men the courage to continue these tortures, knowing that their wives are helpless and have nowhere else to go.
Also, most mothers till date tell their daughter she must learn to cook, sew and handle household chores if she is to please her husband and in-laws. In fact, most start teaching their daughters the same once she hits puberty, in order to prepare her for married life, irrespective of the fact that the girl might actually be an all A grade student with a bright career possibility. Why should the woman be resigned to do all household chores, when she could be as successful as her husband?
These are but a few examples. There are countless such examples where mothers encourage their daughters to put up with these obsolete rules our society has created for women, and actually take pride in them.
As a popular Hindi saying goes – ‘Those who do not stand up against a crime are just as much to blame as those who commit a crime’. Therefore, before we try and change the societal mindset, what really needs to undergo a change is the mindset of women themselves. Only when a need for a better tomorrow for themselves and their daughters stems from within them, will it impart them with the real courage to fight for it.
