The Broken Mirror

                                                                        

In an Indian social set up families rejoice when a son is born while lament when a daughter is born. But every woman, at the bottom of her heart craves for a daughter no matter how many sons she has mothered. There goes a saying that daughters can be a mother’s best friend and vice versa. So is that the reason why women crave to have a daughter they can call their own? There are many layers to this psychographic. 

Actually, most women in India have at some point of time in their life been subject to oppression, suppression, physical, mental or emotional tortures; be it in their father’s house or in their in-law’s house. Women are often asked to stand aside no matter how talented they are and yield place to the men of the house. When they become mothers, they wish for a daughter who would grow up to be like them but will not compromise with her dreams as they did.

Daughter: Reflection of or Reaction to the mother

A daughter, by virtue of her sex, tries to imitate the mother more than the father. She tries to be more like her mother, trying to emulate the way her mother dresses up, the way she talks, the way she walks and more. When the daughter starts growing up, her mother’s beauty and femininity and the way she behaves seem quite interesting to her, and she tries to be like the mother by learning the same and following in her mother’s footsteps. In that way, from the very childhood the daughter becomes a reflection of the mother. 

Every mother tries her best to bring up a daughter who is responsible and confident, so that her own unfulfilled hopes and aspirations can be fulfilled through her daughter. However, if the mother goes through bad times; i.e. she is tortured, beaten up by her in-laws and husband or is struggling for money, that too has an impact on the daughter. She becomes aggressive towards the men of the society in general and acquires a cynical or non-conformist attitude towards life. In that way she again becomes a reaction to what’s going on in her mother’s life.

Mother should be an example to her daughter

Most mothers don’t even realize that their daughters have turned into their reflection. ‘Reflection’ means a mirror-image, which implies that their daughters lack an individuality of their own. It is important for mothers to instil their values and character believes in their daughters, but it is equally important to give enough scope for the individuality of the daughter to amplify as well. 

It is in fact the mother’s responsibility to not just teach the daughter a way of life but inculcate and lead by example the life she wishes for her daughter. Only then will the daughter be motivated enough to follow her instructions, implement, and judge by herself what’s good and what’s bad by seeing a practical example. This will help hone her individuality and will also ensure that she takes the best of her mother’s traits, while tries to develop a unique character of her own with confidence. 

Few Blunders that mother commit to make their daughters a ‘broken mirror’:

If mothers have been going through hardships and tortures, the first impact of all these come on the daughter. This is because most women psychologically feel that their daughters could be their confidante; she too will grow up to be a woman one day. Some women start sharing all the experiences of their trauma with their daughter even when she is too young to understand it all. In other words, mothers tend to burden their daughters with the trauma of their experiences from a very young age, something that can scar the tender mind of a child for a lifetime.

Many a times when the daughter starts growing up, instead of befriending her, the mother starts seeking a consoler in her. This is because most Indian women have an emotional vacuum in their life, a loneliness which they are desperate to brush aside. Most of the time they cross the thin line between a ‘friend’ and a ‘consoler’ and look for to their daughters to become their crying shoulder.

All the bad experiences that the mother shares with her daughter have a negative impact on her psychology and on her innocence. Therefore, it is very important that a mother understands that while she has a friend in her daughter, she still is her child’s first teacher and first guide. It is very important to choose carefully what you share with your daughter, and the way you put forth a certain situation in front of her. After all, do you really want your daughter, who is trying to be your mirror image, to starts reflecting your traumas in the form of a ‘Broken Mirror’?